It seems like yesterday

I can't believe it's been two months since we held you, Ethan. Mommy and Daddy had big dreams for you, but God's plans were bigger. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Always in our hearts baby boy!!!

Psalm 139:13-16

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Happy Birthday!!

Today is Bri's birthday, the big 2-8! In honor of his birthday, I wanted to share a few reasons why I am blessed to have him in my life.

He is a country boy. He loves the Lord and treats women with respect. He loves trucks and four wheelers, guns and fishing. I have received both a fishing pole and a 22 as gifts ;).

He is good at just about everything he does. From Chemistry to cars, he either understands how it works or he'll figure it out. He's the one many of our friends go to if they have questions about how to do 'handy man' type stuff. We had a lot of work to do on our house in Texas and he did almost all of it himself.

He values family. Bri loves my family like his own, and his relationship with my Daddy means so much to me. I'm so glad he can be at ease with them, it's like he's always been around.

He loves me, and tells me all the time how much I mean to him daily. He has gone out of his way to take care of me. When Bri is upset, he would rather close up and deal with it himself. I am the opposite, and he has tried hard to be there for me and talk when I need him.

Happy Birthday Brian! I am so proud to be your wife!

Quilting progress

Be warned, quilting has kept me entertained in Ithaca, so there will probably be more posts about it in the future =).

I can't believe I only have one more quilting class left! I'm going to miss going once a week. Here's the project I've been working on in class. We've added the borders and basted it (pinned the three layers together).



To keep me busy during the week, I've been practicing the different skills I've learned with scrap fabric. Here's a pattern made out half square triangles.

Joann's had a great sale last week so I got some more fat quarters for future projects.


I think I'm addicted! I'm grateful to have a new hobby, and it has made being in Ithaca more bearable. The neat part too is that you can find all kinds of free patterns online. It's amazing how many people share their crafty skills; I've bookmarked all kinds of blogs and websites for future use. If money grew on trees my living room would be covered in fabric!

Bittersweet Father's day

I love these pictures. I don't have the pictures from Now I lay me down to sleep yet, so I wanted to share some special ones we took with my favorite little man.

One proud Papa.

Pops and Ethan

I love you!!!

Wordless Wednesday

What I've been up to lately

I've been up in Ithaca for two and a half weeks now, and I'm getting settled in. There has been a lot of time spent unpacking and organizing, but we will be moving again at the end of July (we're in a sublease) so we're trying to only unpack what is necessary for now. I haven't had much luck finding a job up here, and I'm not the type that can sit for long so I've picked up some hobbies along the way.

While Mom was here, we tried to get out and about in Ithaca so I could familarize myself with the area. It's not necessarily hard, but it very different and I'm not used to driving in the mountains. Mom and I enjoy doing crafty-type things together, and this time we made a purse! Don't look too closely because it was my first one, but we had a good time and Mom is a great teacher.



Mom and I also found a quilt shop during our tour of the town and she signed me up for a quilt class. I have wanted to take a class for awhile, but was incredibly nervous. Though I'll talk your ear off once I know you, I get very anxious in new situations and all the changes lately have amplified my emotions. If Mom had not been there I would not have signed up for the class, so I'm glad she was there, because I love it! It's a beginner's class and the teacher is so patient. She teaches us all kinds of helpful tricks and techniques. In the past two classes we've learned different blocks, so now I have to decide the arrangement. I've had fun this week setting it in different arrangements and seeing the possibilities. Here are the two I'm considering right now:





I decided to pull out a quilt kit I bought a while back but had not gotten around to messing with. It was a lot rougher than I thought it would be because of the different fabrics (I'll be sticking to cotton for now) and I didn't follow a very important direction. Moral of the story, polyester and satin don't sew the same as cotton and a pressing cloth is important if you want your dot fabric to keep it's dots! Oh well, I'm learning to not be so hard on myself, it will still work as a blanket anyway =).

Trust His Heart

I've had this song pop up in my mind several times lately, so I thought I would share. It's a older song by Babbie Mason called Trust His Heart. Does anyone else remember this song?

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hand
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry
He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart


When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

We went to Cornell while my Mom was here to pick up Brian and see the waterfall on campus. I was excited when there was a rainbow too, if you look close you can see it.

One Month

My life seems full of extremes these days. One moment I'm feeling grateful that we were able to bury Ethan in Georgia. Other times I'm upset because I can't go see him. I'm happy to be in Ithaca so that Brian and I can be together, but I am so far away from all my other friends and family and miss them terribly. I am proud to be Ethan's Mom, but feel teased to have gone through 2 years of trying for a baby and issues at the beginning of the pregnancy to have lost him.

If you have known me for long, you know how much Brian and I have wanted to be parents. It was almost two years before Brian and I were able to get pregnant and we were so excited. We had complications in the beginning and I was put on medication. We began to relax as the weeks passed and we had positive appointments. What a blessing at 19 weeks to get to see him through the ultrasound. We made it to 29 weeks. I remember having a conversation with a friend the week before about how I was finally feeling at ease because if he was born now he could survive. I had no idea things like this could happen.

Right or wrong, I feel betrayed. I miss my sweet baby. When we left Texas I was going to spend the next 11 weeks preparing for his arrival. We had saved so that I could stay home with him once we moved to Ithaca. Brian has been in Ithaca since mid-May and I came last week with my Mom. It's a bittersweet thing to be here. I am glad to be together with Brian, but my purpose here has changed. I am a Mom, but my baby isn't here. In my head I know that he isn't on his way and that I won't get to stay home with him, but I don't think my heart has grasped that yet.

We will be scheduling a doctor's appointment once we receive Brian's insurance information and I am anxious to have a better understanding of where my health is at and what it means for the future. Please pray for us as the reality of all that has happened sinks in and we work on dealing with it together.