Saving Cicadas

Saving Cicadas by Nicole Seitz is the latest book I have read for Thomas Nelson book review bloggers (now booksneeze.com).

There are many things about Saving Cicadas that I loved. I have read a decent amount of Christian fiction, and after awhile, they can start to sound the same. This book broke from that mold. The characters were engaging, well developed, and thankfully not perfect! The drama between family members was believable. The voice of the book switched between Janie, an eight year old, and Mona, the grandmother. Sometimes that can be distracting, but in this case it actually helped deepen the story. I love when I can read a story and get caught up in the everyday details that are shared without feeling monotony. To me, everyday details make the story engaging, and I felt that way about this book.

Without spoiling the book, there were some theological issues with the book that I had a hard time getting over. Honestly, I think that has a lot to do with being a mother of a stillborn child (I don't know how to further explain without giving major plot twists away) so they may not bother everyone, but they took away from the message of the book for me. The author does have a disclaimer at the end of the book which does acknowledge the discrepancies, and I do admire how she took on controversial topics and I agree with the message she was trying to share. All and all, though I did not completely agree with the book I did love the author's style and will be checking out her other books.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Bare Honesty

I read a post by Kelly at Sufficient Grace this morning, and it really made me think. I don't think it was meant to be the main focus of the post, but she was talking about being a 're-player' and it really hit met because I have been doing that all day today. It's honestly a bad habit of mine, because when Brian and I get together with other people my insecurity comes to a head as soon as we get in the car. I'm usually giving a play-by-play of all the things I said or did that were goofy at best, and reading deeper into what others say. It drives him crazy, but he tolerates it pretty well, reminding me that I think about things way too much.

I know it is probably shocking to some, especially other baby loss moms, but most people in New York don't know about Ethan. It's not because we're ashamed (incredibly far from it), but it happened for a variety of reasons. At first, it was because it we lost him while we were moving, and we knew no one up here. We had to tell Brian's boss because he was going to be late to start his post doc, but it has never been discussed since we got here. I'm an incredibly private person (one of the many reasons that blogging came as a surprise), and losing Ethan is so very personal. It's not something you rattle off as a factoid when you meet someone new, and it changes the way people interact with you. If friends don't always know how to handle it (understandably so), how do I expect strangers to know how to react?

We have been trying to meet people at church, and started attending a small group of married couples. I've got to be honest, it was really hard. Things are different here and I have such a hard time with change. Though it was a new group, many of the couples have known each other for awhile, and most are younger than us. The past two weeks seem to have been easier (though I still replay things in the car) and have enjoyed getting to know a few people better.

I was honest about my desire to find a job, which is sticky thing to me because I know people wonder why I wasn't looking before we moved. This week, one of the ladies I have gotten to know emailed me to let me know about a position available in a Chiropractor's office. I was so touched, and yet uncomfortable at the same time. Ever since we lost Ethan, I have a really hard time with medical offices. Not really a good thing when you have to go back several times, and just thinking about that setting gives me chills.

So I took a leap. I really wanted her to know how much I appreciated that she thought of me and to also understand why I couldn't do it. So I told her. And now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to do...I hate all the double-guessing! Being so open makes me fell bare. I just don't know how else to truly let people in without exposing our hurt. And tonight we go back to small group and I'm so very nervous. Yuck!

Does that even make sense?  Do you struggle with insecurity? Are you a re-player? If you are, how do you tame it?