Half Birthday

Today is your six month birthday baby boy! I have to admit, this is a birthday that was harder than I anticipated. I think it's because this time of year is when it all began. Last year at this time, we were one day away from finding out you existed. At Thanksgiving, we told family and were so excited. We spent Christmas in Texas, but you got so many presents from family and we didn't even know yet if you were a boy or a girl!

It's gloomy outside today. Earlier it rained, and now it's cloud-heavy and gray. No sun in sight and the trees are almost bare. Kinda like Mommy's emotions today. My body recognizes the approaching date before my mind does. It a guttural ache that reminds me of all that is missing. The holidays that will happen in the next few months that you won't be with us to celebrate. Seeing all my friends celebrating with their kiddos, all the babies and pregnant women at church, and even the stupid mailers I still get from Target and Babies-r-us reaffirms that for me.

I got some books I ordered in the mail today. Kinda fitting since two of them have to do with you! I'll Hold you in Heaven and Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There Are No Tears in Heaven are all about you, sweet boy. There is comfort in knowing others are feeling the same way, and it helps to read blogs and books that remind me it's okay to miss you.

The fact is, all the wanting and wishing in the world won't bring you back to us in this life. Instead, I'm trying to focus on remembering you in the ways I can. Mommy is looking for the perfect ornament to put on the tree. I'm also trying to decide if we will do a box for Samaritan's Purse, for a little boy 2-4 years old, or if we will try to sponsor a child locally that would be your age. Whatever we decide, it is something I want to do every year to honor your memory. Focusing on others helps, or at least it has so far.

God has a plan, I know that and I cling to that truth even when I don't see or understand it. In so many ways you are blessed because you have missed out on all of the hurts of this world. We love you so much!!

Revelation 21:4 (New International Version)- He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Random things about me =)

My sweet friend Sarah gave me a bloggy award. I'm not sure I have 10 interesting honest things to say, so we'll go with random. Bear with me, they may be a stretch =)

1. I used to have a belly ring. It was probably the most rebellious thing I did in college, and I asked my mom first (yup, call me a wild child). I don't think she was thrilled, but she let me do it anyway. At least I could take it out when I got tired of it.

2.I currently have a favorite spice. Yes, this is possible. I don't know where cumin has been all my life, but at the very least tacos and salsa would never be the same at our house.

3. I love trying out recipes. I'm not really all about fancy recipes, and lately I've been trying some of the recipes I've seen on blogs. Our current favorites are meatballs and salsa (pico style and Chili's style). I really want to try these cinnamon rolls for the holidays.

4. I love, love my dogs. I had dogs growing up. As much as I loved them, it isn't the same as these two. They will always be our first two 'babies', and I think they have especially helped us cope over the past 6 months.

5. I have an obsession with fabric and sewing, and it honestly just started about 6 months ago! It doesn't come easy to me, but I love looking at fabrics (even if it's oogling) and thinking about all the things I can make with it. Quilting is one of my favorite things to do, and I love that they are so useful!

6. I always thought I would live in Georgia my whole life. Marrying Bri and moving to Texas and then New York have been two of the biggest leaps from my comfort I have made. He's worth it though =).

7. I'm not a huge decorator, but I have an obsession with Christmas decorations. I have two sets of Christmas dishes. Yep, two. One I got for a wedding present and has snowmen on it, and the others Mom and I collected. They have a western snowman theme, and they make me smile!

From For the Long haul

Ignore the broken chair, it was a casualty of the move to Texas.

8. Which reminds me, have I ever told you we moved to Texas in a cattle trailer? Renting a U-haul was beyond our just married budget, and Brian's Uncle was kind enough to lend it to us. I'm pretty sure the neighbors thought hillbillies were moving in next door, but it was free and I'd do it again if our stuff would still fit!

9. I'm attempting to read through the Bible in a year. It's something that has always intimidated me, but I found a schedule that I liked (on Prayer of Hannah) and have really learned a lot so far. If your interested, here's the link.

10. When we got our New York driver's licenses, we decided to get the enhanced ones so that hopefully we could visit Canada before we move again. This was before the big hoopla about scanners being able to read them. I'm really funny about my privacy (not in a build a bunker kinda way) and was a little freaked out by this. Have no fears, because when they came in the mail they included radioactive sleeves to keep them in. I definitely keep mine in the sleeve, but it didn't exactly calm my fears and I get funny looks if someone needs to see my driver's license and I have to pull it out!


Now aren't you glad you know those things about me now?

I nominate Shannon, Heather, and Donna. Play along if you want gals!

Here are the rules:

1. Say thanks and give a link to the one who gave you the award.
2. Share 10 honest things about yourself.
3. Present this award to 3 other fantastically brilliant blogs of content or design, or peeps that have encouraged you.
4. Tell those 3 people they've been awarded and make sure they're informed of these guidelines.

Oh how I love fall!

The pups and I went for a walk in the field behind our apartment. I'm sure you can tell I have a slight obsession with fall by now, but I can't help myself.

I love the crunch of leaves under your feet and the way you are surrounded by colors.

The air smells different, and the sun isn't so harsh, but still warm.We've had absolutely beautiful weather up here the past two days and my heart is soaking it up.


The perfect leaves are neat, but I think I like the imperfect ones the best.



The dogs were a good excuse, but I think we all needed a little time outside!

Our First New York Snow

October 15th started out innocently enough...I looked out the window and saw tiny snowflakes! While I do like snow, I'm not quite ready to settle in for the winter =). I wasn't too worried because it was a 'wet' snow and wasn't sticking.


We got up the next morning and this is what we found (the same chair the next day). Toby was completely beside himself. He inspected the entire yard and pulled me around everywhere. Gracie wasn't so excited though, her hair was a snow magnet and when we went back inside her feet looked like dust mops! It didn't last forever, but we got our first taste. Hopefully we'll get to enjoy fall a little while longer before we get snow that stays around.


Happy Fall y'all =)

Remembering

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. It's a day to remember all the little ones who have passed away.

For all the families who didn't get to hear that sweet cry, nibble on little toes, and feel that sweet breath. You are not alone.

I will be lighting a candle tonight to remember Ethan and all the other little ones.

There are several resources out there for pregnancy and infant loss:

Sufficient Grace Ministries blog and website: Kelly was kind enough to send us a Memories of you book
To Write Their Names in the Sand: To see Ethan's name in the sand click here
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Taking precious professional photographs, we will treasure our pictures of Ethan always
SHARE

We love you and miss you sweet boy!!

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

I chose this book because the cover caught my eye. “The love she most desires…the respect he desperately needs”. I was intrigued because though I’ve heard sermons on loving one another, I can’t say that the man’s need for respect is really discussed. Dr. Eggerichs focuses on Ephesians 5:33 - "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV) to explain what men and women need in a marriage.

I appreciated his fresh perspective and the way he uses common marital discussions (at least in our house) to illustrate the differences between husbands and wives. He breaks the book into three parts, focusing first on the crazy cycle men and women get into when they don’t understand what the other needs. The second part provides specific examples of needs (openness, insight, etc.) and each chapter ends with ways to meet that need. The third part goes beyond the marriage relationship and explains why love and respect should be unconditional.

The examples he provided make the book easy to read and applicable. I hate when you read a book with standards too lofty to actually put into place. You won’t walk away from this book feeling like the ideals presented are unattainable, his message is simple and unique and the examples are reasonable. I would definitely recommend this book to others seeking to better understand their spouse.

Ethan's name in the sand

There is a wonderful site organized by a family that writes the names of children who have passed away in the sand and photographs them (for free). This family has also experienced a loss of their own and do this as a way to honor their son Christian's memory.

Amie was kind enough to tell me about this site and I submitted Ethan's name. Ethan's picture is now up! Below is the link:

http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2009/10/ethan-mckinley.html

If you go look at the picture would you leave a comment and tell them thanks? I want them to know that what they do is very much appreciated!