Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. We are a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child. We gather together from different places on our journey, each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength.
The lessons for weeks four and five revolve around a few topics, so I am going to focus on the highlights. The first lesson dealt with depression, loneliness, guilt and fear. I liked the verses from Esther mentioned (Esther 4:1,3) and agree with a fellow participant that it would be nice in some ways if grief was more of an expected outward expression. I'm not sure that the examples given for depression aren't really forms of grief, at least that's how I consider them. I'm also a sucker for biblical hope. Not in a name it and claim it way, but in a comforting kind of way that even in the midst of the mud we can still have hope in His purpose. Psalm 126:5-6-"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."
I've talked in previous posts about loneliness and I don't have anything to add. I will say that I love the verse from Deuteronomy that was used: Deuteronomy 31:8-"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Regarding guilt I feel like I covered that in the lesson on anger, so I'm not going to rehash it here. Many verses that are used in the study are very familar to me, but I really appreciated their use of Hebrews 10:22-23-"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
The last topic of fear blends in well with the week five lesson, so I'll move on to it. Week five's lesson is all about moving on. It sounds picky, but I'd rather say moving forward, it seems more appropriate to me. In this chapter we think about the future and what it means for us in terms of parenting other children and our relationship with God. I do have fears about our hope of raising children. I can't say I understand why God has given us such a desire, but hasn't let it happen. It's just something we pray about and hope that God will allow us to raise children whether through pregnancy or adoption. I do hope that with time I will have a more defined picture of what this aspect of life will look like moving forward, but it's just not clear now. As far as my relationship with God and how it relates to my desire to parent, I think Molly did a brilliant job explaining this, even though our situations aren't identical. It's a tangled thing for me, and something I don't understand, but as I said in the last lesson I'm trying to seek comfort in his sovereignty. God doesn't promise that things will be perfect, just that He will be with us.
That's it, if you followed my train of thought I'm impressed ;).
Update:
Will you pray for us? We are hoping to talk to our small group tomorrow and explain about losing Ethan. One couple knows already and has been wonderful, but we are nervous to share with everyone. I doubt anyone will react poorly, it's just hard to be so open and our emotions are already on edge since his birthday is next week. Thank you.
