Refinement

Right now I have two situations going on in my life that have been a big struggle. I know life isn't always about being happy and I'm trying to understand better what true contentment means. My nature is to worry and stress over things, even if I have no control over them. I've been praying about this and understand that God is in control. The part I don't completely understand is how to know whether your heart is truly desiring God's will or your own. I tend to have seasons where certain verses are on my heart, and there have been several situations where the first chapter of James is where I focus. I'm learning how much I need to develop perseverance when my gut thought is always 'Please Lord, get me outta this situation!'. Being uncomfortable is not always a bad thing, but how do you know though when God is refining you through a situation or when He's shutting a door and saying to refocus on something else (take another path). Does that make sense? I want to trust and be refined if that is the purpose of these situations, but I also want to accept and refocus if this is a wall the Lord is using to redirect me. I have a coworker that I am close to (her family also attends our church) and we have we had this conversation several times lately (the Lord has truly blessed me with such a godly role model). I feel like I'm always praying both ways (for refinement through it and to understand when it's time to accept that the situations are what they are and redirect). I know sometimes God shuts doors, but how do you know when you are supposed to move on or if should just accept this is where you are meant to be?