Also on the plane...

I surprised Bri by bringing back some biscuits! They were a little scrunched (I had them in my carry-on), but they survived and were very yummy. Lucky for me he was willing to share ;).

Eleven Months: Can it really be?

I can't believe it's less than a month before Ethan's first heavenly birthday. To be honest, I'm not ready. I try not to dwell on what Ethan would be doing now, or what our life would look like. But, at occasions like this, it's hard not to know. When you pray for a child for so long, you have lots of time to dream of what's to come. Looking forward to simple things like late night bonding and learning how to parent, and bigger things like big dinners with family and how we would celebrate birthdays. It's hard to reconcile our first birthday dreams with reality.

Being pregnant along with many friends, I've had the joy of watching their little ones grow. I would be lying if I said that sometimes it wasn't hard, but for me, withdrawing from their lives would only make things worse. My gut instinct when I am uncomfortable or hurting is to protect myself, retreating from those I love. Since being a hermit isn't an option and I crave relationships, I'm trying to stay present. It's been a bit harder lately as others plan and celebrate first birthdays, so bear with me if I'm more focused on how we're coping.

I don't often ask, but will you pray for us as we approach Ethan's first birthday? Right now we're not sure what it will look like, but it is incredibly important to me to do something.  More than likely we will not be able to go to Georgia (where Ethan is buried and our families live) and that is hard on my heart. I've also been a lot more sensitive in my interactions with others, and putting high expectations on relationships, and I don't want to be that way. Please pray that we would find peace and comfort as Ethan's birthday approaches and that we can celebrate his life.