Our first Christmas without Ethan

Christmas time brought a lot of emotions to the surface that I thought had receded. I was blessed to be able to go back to my hometown and spend time with family for my birthday and stay until New Years. It was a truly wonderful time, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it brought back a lot of memories of losing Ethan and what we thought this year would look like. There were many positive times with others, but also some deep hurts. I doubt I will elaborate on the few negative things that happened, I'd rather focus on all the positive ways others helped us remember him.

 There isn't anything we can do to change the past, but we could remember him in our own little way. These are the ways we chose to remember him at Christmas.

We were able to adopt a little 6 month old boy off the tree at church. It probably sounds weird, but it was kind of fulfilling to be able to channel that desire to buy little things to get things for someone in need.

I was able to find Ethan's ornament on the memory tree at church as well. It's not the best picture, but you get the point. There was also a sign next to the tree with 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 on the bottom. Definitely added that verse to my scripture spreadsheet (I know, weird, but its a good way for me to reference and memorize) and it instantly brought to mind several who have been that comfort to me. So, thank you for all that you mean to me!

My hometown church also has poinsettias you can place in memory of someone, and Ethan had a few (from us and other family members). I was going to put a picture of the brochure, but I can't figure out how to blur the other names so I won't. Though not a big thing, it was one more tangible way to remember him.

Before Ethan's headstone was finished, Brian and I moved and we really wanted to visit our sweet boy. I bought flowers before Brian arrived and we went together to visit the cemetery. It was nice to finally see everything put together, and get to put out flowers. Brian's family had also sent flowers (right) and my Papa had left the white ones. It was nice to see that he had other decorations.

We didn't decorate in New York this year, but we did get a few things to decorate next year. Ethan has his own stocking now, and I'm excited to display it next year. He will always be our first born and a member of our family and it was comforting to be able to include him in our celebrations.