Three Months

Sweet baby, has it really been three months? Mommy misses you always Ethan, but the 28ths are always the hardest.

When you were first born, it was like time stood still. We were grieving, but I don't think I completely understood that time was passing. I am starting to realize now how much things have changed over the past few months. I had two friends in Texas that were also pregnant with me. I am close to both, and was blessed to have sweet women to share the experience. Leah and I walked nearly every day and dreamed about what our babies would be like. Jenn was so happy to hear that you were finally on the way. She knew how much Mommy wanted a baby for a long time, and I loved being able to talk to her about you too. Our co-workers even through us a joint baby shower the week before Daddy and I left Texas. It was perfect way to celebrate three little babies and a complete surprise to me! Then you came at the end of April instead of in July. Baby E was born in June and baby S in July after your due date. I was so relieved to hear that everyone was safe, but I couldn't help but think of you too. Such bittersweet emotions to be so completely happy that everyone is safe and sad that you aren't here. I'm so glad that my friends still allow me to celebrate with them and see their little ones grow. They, along with countless others, have supported us so much even though I know it isn't easy.

Your pictures are on the fireplace and I get to see your precious face everyday now. One of my favorite pictures is just of the back of your head. I remember how excited I was that you had dark wavy hair. I had a dream a few weeks before that you had dark hair, but Daddy didn't think you would since both of us had light hair as babies. We couldn't decide who you looked most like, a good blend of both I think.

You were loved on by so much family that day. Your Grandma and Grandpa, Mimi and Pops, Aunts and Uncles, Nana and Papa, and Aunt Lori. I really wish you had gotten to know everyone, we're quirky, but love each other so much! I don't know what I would do if I didn't believe that God had a plan in all of this and that we will get to see you again someday in Heaven. In the past few weeks I have listened to the song 'Homesick' so many times and dreamed of what it will be like to see you again. One day, baby boy, one day.


We love you so much Ethan!!!!