Today is your six month birthday baby boy! I have to admit, this is a birthday that was harder than I anticipated. I think it's because this time of year is when it all began. Last year at this time, we were one day away from finding out you existed. At Thanksgiving, we told family and were so excited. We spent Christmas in Texas, but you got so many presents from family and we didn't even know yet if you were a boy or a girl!
It's gloomy outside today. Earlier it rained, and now it's cloud-heavy and gray. No sun in sight and the trees are almost bare. Kinda like Mommy's emotions today. My body recognizes the approaching date before my mind does. It a guttural ache that reminds me of all that is missing. The holidays that will happen in the next few months that you won't be with us to celebrate. Seeing all my friends celebrating with their kiddos, all the babies and pregnant women at church, and even the stupid mailers I still get from Target and Babies-r-us reaffirms that for me.
I got some books I ordered in the mail today. Kinda fitting since two of them have to do with you! I'll Hold you in Heaven and Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There Are No Tears in Heaven are all about you, sweet boy. There is comfort in knowing others are feeling the same way, and it helps to read blogs and books that remind me it's okay to miss you.
The fact is, all the wanting and wishing in the world won't bring you back to us in this life. Instead, I'm trying to focus on remembering you in the ways I can. Mommy is looking for the perfect ornament to put on the tree. I'm also trying to decide if we will do a box for Samaritan's Purse, for a little boy 2-4 years old, or if we will try to sponsor a child locally that would be your age. Whatever we decide, it is something I want to do every year to honor your memory. Focusing on others helps, or at least it has so far.
God has a plan, I know that and I cling to that truth even when I don't see or understand it. In so many ways you are blessed because you have missed out on all of the hurts of this world. We love you so much!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Half Birthday
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8 comments:
I am always reminded of Ethan because he was born on the 28th like Carleigh. I love the picture you shared. It is so, so sweet.
I've read both the books you got and I enjoyed (if that's what you want to call it) them. I think it is wonderful to do something in honor/memory of our babies at Christmas.
Sending you (((hugs)))
Happy 6 months Ethan!
what a sweet post cecilia. we're thinking of you today!
We talk about taking things one day at a time, but there are those days when you have to take it one minute...one breath....at a time. This is one of those days Cecilia.
Hurting for you Cecilia. Ethan is a precious boy. Praying that God will carry you quickly through these bad days and take away the pain. Happy 6 months to Ethan. I pray for a special holiday season for you and B.
praying for you!! I wish we were closer in distance. I'd come over and love on you some.
Love,
Casey Chappell
I love you Ceci . you and bri bri are always in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
6 months was HARD for me, too. I'm coming up on one year and I can't believe it. I would love to meet you when you come for the holidays, to chat and give you a big hug!
Thinking of you and praying for you.
Love,
Tonya
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